Why I Made Peace With my 4 am Wake-ups

“The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don’t go back to sleep.” – Rumi

Google search “3-5 AM wake-up time” and you’ll come across several articles from various soothsayers which state waking up at this time can be a sign of a spiritual growth. 2 years ago I would have ridiculed these claims. Today I do not; a series of regular 4am risings were precisely the start of my spiritual awakening.

Awakening makes it sound like it was pleasant. Like I was walking along an enchanted forest path, robed in white, with braids and glitter in my hair. In actual fact, my awakening was more of an undoing, and the forested path was dark and shadow-filled. Instead of magical fairy creatures there were gremlins and demons. And instead of gracefully walking along the path, I resisted and tried like hell to get out of it. My awakening was more in line with how caterpillars actually transition into butterflies. They digest themselves in a cocoon of slime, muck and puss. That about describes my journey as well. It was violent, unsettling and disgusting.

“My awakening was more in line with how caterpillars actually transition into butterflies. They digest themselves in a cocoon of slime, muck and puss. That about describes my journey as well. It was violent, unsettling and disgusting.”

I’ve come to experience that Spirit guides, supports and loves unconditionally. But She will also kick your ass from here to the curb if she needs to. She’s not here for your comfort. She’s here for your development. And like any good Mother She’ll make you do the things you don’t want to do when She knows they are in your best interest. 

For me that was waking up early, finding a daily practice of meditation, writing, and running. These were insight and body practices that provided wisdom, grounding and courage to face many of the ways I was cut off from my highest self.

My unbecoming is still in process. I continue to unravel a fabric of carefully stitched behaviours, thoughts and personas. Rather than resist I am increasingly able to surrender and wonder. What happens to loose thread when all the knots are undone? What new possibilities can be sewn, cross-stitched and woven?

Comments 6

  1. Oh man i applaud you for getting up that early. The only time i do that is when i fill in on a morning show

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      I tried everything to change it. If I stayed up later I only woke up earlier. Took me a while to get there but now I love it

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